Who did I think he was?

Who did I think he was?

Some kind of great hero?
A leader who would overthrow the state?
A leader who would become the state –
And who would have me at his right hand?

Oh, let’s face it, that would have been nice,
But I am no statesman.

And it really doesn’t matter now.

I said I would die for him – this very morning, in fact,
Or was it yesterday morning?
Everything is blurry and confused – I need to sleep,
But I can’t sleep; I shouldn’t sleep.
He can’t. Or that is all he does.

But when asked if I knew him, alone among strangers,
My curiosity moreso than my devotion
Having gotten the better of me,
I said that I did not.
I didn’t abandon him, I denied him,
And I couldn’t bear to watch,
Knowing that he was right about me.

He would know it, so I left.

In his human heart, he knows why.
No one wants to die,
No one wants to be imprisoned,
To have their families and friends suffer for them,
No one wants it, but it must happen.

He left me the choice to go home,
Go back to my simple life,
To my family – don’t ask me what I will tell my wife –
Or her mother! I would rather not.

I should find the others,
Where did my brother go?
We need to hide together.
The women will be fine – they aren’t suspicious,
And they’ve got the boy with them,
I will get his brother too,
They can all meet us later.

I failed him, but I will not fail the others,
What was it that he said?
He would leave and come back again?
Perhaps they will let him go…

Or perhaps he really means it,
And he can come back from the dead.

Who did I think he was?

copyright 2017

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